At that point in my health journey, I knew that physical activity exhausted me, though I didn't know why. It was a hike that I tried to take slowly and gently; yet, it still left me exhausted for a full week afterwards.
One year later, with a diagnosis in hand, I hold the gift of hindsight.
For those with ME/CFS, it's not only physical exertion that sucks mitochondria dry and frazzles the nervous system. Turns out that cognitive, social, and emotional exertion add to the load as well. When I thought of all the activities surrounding the actual hike, it's no wonder I crashed.*
With a strong disposition of persistence, I considered what would need to happen for a successful hike this year. Peyto Lake was a spot I had yet to see with my own three eyes (the two on my face, and the one on my camera), and I wanted the autumn colours against the aquamarine water.
And I did not want to crash.**
- So, instead of a day-trip, it became an overnight trip.
- I worked from home the day before.
- I did not take any Airbnb bookings upstairs in the days leading up to my trip, so that I could be more blasé about cleaning and tidying.
- I did only necessary chores.
- My friend and I agreed I would not do any of the driving.
- And, though I didn't ask, she carried my backpack of snacks, water, and camera gear the whole way.
- We took a slow pace with lots of breaks.
- I monitored my heart rate the whole way; I kept my breathing measured and steady.
- And upon returning home, I didn't rush to put everything away. (My car is still half full of gear.)
All this, on top of the regular, daily things I do to keep my system stable.
...Now, the deceptive part about crashes is that they can be delayed by 12-72 hours after the activity or event. I had 3 crashes during the summer, and two of them I wasn't expecting. It's delightful. (#sarcasm). And so, as I went to bed on Sunday night, I wondered, "did it work?"
...It worked.
As I type this at the 72-hour mark, a smile creeps up my face. My first pacing success.
Next to actually getting my diagnosis earlier this spring, this feels like the biggest of wins.
* A "crash" is the term in the ME/CFS community to describe overdoing it. The clinical term is post-exertional-malaise (PEM), which means a worsening of ME/CFS symptoms after any sort of exertion. For me, a crash looks like a dysfunctional 24-48 hours on the couch, with brain fog that would make London jealous.
** Not just because a crash feels extra awful, but also because crashes can contribute to overall decline in the long run.
