Intro to Introversion

So, as you are well-aware, I am an introvert (even more specifically, an ISFJ, which is described best here and here). It's one of those things that I emphasize about myself; right up there with my favourite colour and my love of cats.

I am happy as an introvert. Most of the time. Today seems to be one of those days where I've been struggling with my own temperament. I find the times I wish I were an extrovert tend to be the times where I am home alone when I feel I should be out with friends. I start feeling like I'm the only one who's at home in front of the computer or TV, and everyone else is out being social without me, when in my head I know that's not true. And I also know that I socialize plenty, and shouldn't be worrying about whether or not I'm being social 'enough'.

I think I also tend to worry that people don't really 'see' me. I've been finding lately that my socializing is always in the form of pre-arranged and set activities (like Bible study), or otherwise I've had to be the one to say, "hey, we should do X sometime soon." And my friends are always willing to make time for whatever I think up, but how come it's always me organizing this? It seems to be less often that one of my friends will Facebook or e-mail or call and say, "hey, Gina, we should do X sometime next week". Sometimes... but I feel like I have to initiate more often. Why is this? Do people think I lean towards not wanting to be social? Do they think I'd say no so why bother? Am I just not thought of right away when planning social activities?

That sounds so unconfident, I know, for someone who is quite confident of herself, and has always had a good self-esteem. But it's a realistic concern, I think. I know very well that I don't stand out in groups--I don't crave a spotlight, I'm not a squeaky wheel, and I listen more than I talk. That could very easily add up to someone who doesn't jump out on the invite list. Who knows? What I DO know is that I have been trying to spend more time putting myself 'out there'--flexing my extrovert side. Creike, it's a lot of work! I don't know how you guys do it. But then again, most extroverts don't really know how us introverts do what we do, either.

All my friends know and understand that I'm not the most gregarious person around. But I feel that only a couple of my friends really 'get' me (and they're extroverts, even). Introverts are outnumbered 3:1. Therefore, society tends to be made for the extrovert, and the introvert preference runs contrary to a lot of societally encouraged human behaviour (e.g. partying all weekend; chatting around the water cooler at work; etc.). I'm not surprised that only a couple of my friends really understand and accept the tempermental difference (and I am uber-grateful for them).

I am NOT shy. And I enjoy being social--sometimes even CRAVE social activity and connectedness with others. The major difference between introverts and extroverts is that socializing is how introverts spend energy, while it is how extroverts gain energy. Please remember that, and appreciate how much energy it takes us introverts to be in the social scene. I might turn down an invitation out if I've had a particularly busy week at work, or if the invite is too last minute. But not always. It's so wrong to assume that the introvert doesn't want to hang out with people. I want to spend my energy hanging out with my friends; they are so worth it!