Every now and then, I glance back at old journal entries. I often see areas where God answered prayer; sometimes dramatically. I see how my thoughts and feelings have grown and/or evolved. I chuckle at things like being worried about a psych test. And then--and this is what gets me--I see some of the same old problems.
I read about feelings I am processing and/or still struggle with 5, 10, 15 years later. I could cut and paste the entries and slap the today's date on the top, and it would still be relevant and accurate and true.
Same crap, different pile, it seems.
It makes me wonder...
We talk so much about how we can grow, change, improve as people. We are encouraged to recognize the parts of our character that challenge us, cause us struggle--our weaknesses--and invest time, energy, prayer, and counselling into changing them. We are to learn from the negative experiences they cause, using our awareness to come up with strategies lessen their impact or power on us in the future.
And then...
They still show up.
I was chatting with a friend about how--similarly--the struggles experienced by married couples are often struggles they experienced while dating. The issue doesn't really seem to go away--it just seems to be the issue we've decided to accept "till death do us part."
So what does this all mean?
Are we not dealing right?
Processing right?
Praying "right"?
(....I SWEAR I brought that issue to the cross already. Twice. Does it mean I didn't leave it there?)
Are we not as able to change some parts of ourselves as we think we are/should be?
How do we know if a weakness is a way Satan plants seeds of insecurity in our hearts or a way God plants seeds of humility?
Can we truly accept ourselves if we know we can't change? Or do we only "accept" ourselves on the belief that we will grow and move beyond our weakness(es)?
So many more questions than answers...
Friday, November 2, 2012
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I, too, always feel like I'm working on the same issues with myself. Sometimes it seems like there's no progress! We can't become perfect (and overcome all our problems, even one by one) in this life. All we can do is NOT give up. We keep working on our imperfections, insecurities, and tendencies to sin. We just work on them and do what we can. What matters is the direction we're heading, and that we keep trying to become better people. We can't do it alone, but along the way Christ can make up the difference. And sometimes it doesn't happen in this life. But He has promised that His grace is sufficient and that all is possible through Him.
Just catching up, and wanted to add this. Anglicans can, if they like, go to their priests for private confession. Priests themselves are encouraged to do so. Mine was telling me of her experience: she went (not for the first time) for confession, and the priest to whom she confessed (her 'regular' confessor) listened and then asked, "Is this a pattern for you?"
Clearly, it's a pattern for all of us, which is why God's mercies are new every morning. We each use 'em up every day!
Post a Comment