Monday, December 19, 2011

141/365

Exploring the tree
its first year...
Several times throughout the Christmas season, I find a cat under my tree. (Though there were days when I would find a cat in the tree). It's a cozy place to sleep, on the soft tree skirt, hidden amongst the presents.

Things are definitely comfier UNDER the tree!
This evening, Princess reminded me of how, as a child, I would sometimes lie under the tree. It was generally when Mom or Dad were watching something uninteresting on TV, and my brother was either already in bed or doing his own thing. I would steal away to the quiet of the living room, where our [painfully artificial but nevertheless a] Christmas tree stood, basked in the soft glow of coloured lights. If there were already presents underneath, I would slide them just out of the way. Then I would lay underneath, usually at the back where the tree started to meet up with the living room window, out of one's obvious vision.

I can't remember, now, exactly, what it was that I enjoyed about being under the tree. I know it was not some magical sparkly Christmas feeling--that's never really been my style. ...I would guess that the perspective was visually appealing. Warm, glowing colours peeking through thick green branches and garland strands of gold. My reflection looking back at me from one of Mom's antique ornaments.

Outside of that, I think it was just a nice place for a child to take some solitude during the holidays. To just let my thoughts wander... maybe hum Christmas carols to myself. I didn't come to own my introverted temperament until somewhere in junior high, and even then, I would not know the term 'introvert' until late high school. I've always known I was quiet. I've always known that I've kinda been... socially against the grain, so to speak (to greater or lesser degrees depending on the point in time). But as a child, I couldn't have possibly told you that it was because of the way my introvert brain processes the world around me, and how I use my social energy.

Every now and then, I have a memory of some behaviour or habit from childhood, that I now recognize probably existed to enhance my own learning, or to maintain social competence before I knew why interacting with people was physiologically exerting. ...I think lying under the Christmas tree was one of those things... After a full day of school--the routine of which we all know goes out the window around the holidays--plus extra concerts, parties and holiday events, and visits with family friends... quietly tucking away under the Christmas tree sounds kind of appealing.

Twenty years later, the perspective is just as visually lovely, though it's a little tight getting under there now. But I'm sure if the cat came up to cuddle, I could be convinced to stay there for five more minutes and just... be.

141/365 by gina.blank

1 comment:

Margaret said...

I don't know about your dad, but I know I never saw you there...But this propensity of yours is not unlike mine: spending time in the early morning hours sitting quietly on the living room couch, the only light coming from the tree, and just...be-ing...